Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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