Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
