you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
