Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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