you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
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Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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