Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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