I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
