On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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