I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
