I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
