I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Couch. On fire.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
