Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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