Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
