She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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