how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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