Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Randomize