I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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