her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
