I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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