this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
