Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
