put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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