one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
