I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
