At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You made out with two different species that night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
