last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
