I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I faked an abortion last night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
