so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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