So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
