I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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