yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize