i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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