Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
