my mouth tastes like poor choices
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
