you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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