Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
