And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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