Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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