Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
