she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
