the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
