If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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