I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
