Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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