Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
