Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
