yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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