I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
