By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
