so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
