Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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