I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
