i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
