I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
