Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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