its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize