He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
