Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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