So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
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well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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