Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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