my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
