Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
