I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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