i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
